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Separation Survival Guide

The Golden Rule - Boredom is your worst enemy

Keeping busy doing whatever makes you feel fulfilled is especially important during periods of deployment.

Take time out for yourself

Life as a temporary lone parent can be stressful, so it’s important to try to unwind.

Make a list of jobs for the serving person to do when they get back….

…and then tackle them yourself! All those DIY jobs, and sorting out that problem with the car, and the other tasks that your partner may normally do, if in doubt, employ a professional.

Don’t feel that they have got it easy

Many of us would love to swap jobs with our spouses for a day or two, just to see them failing to cope with the kids, the school runs, the washing, cooking and cleaning!  However, life for those on operations is not a mixture of sunbathing and chilling out – far from it.

Life on deployment comes with its own challanges

Telling your partner on ops how cheesed off you are might remove the weight of the world from your shoulders, but it’ll have the opposite effect on them. It’ll probably leave them feeling frustrated that they can’t be there to help.

Make the most of your 30 minutes talk time

It’s pointless to spend time arguing about daft things, as it just makes you dread the next call instead of looking forward to it. Focus on the really important things, and count to ten if you feel like blowing your top.

If you’re STILL angry with your serving partner….

….write them a letter! This may sound really silly, but write a ‘humdinger’ of a letter and tell them exactly what you think of the situation – no holds barred. Once you’ve got it all down on paper, you’ll feel as if you’ve got it all off your chest, and feel much better for doing so. Now, the hard bit – don’t post it, destroy it.

Use the absence constructively

Now could be the time to stop putting off those things that you meant to achieve ages ago, and still haven’t managed. If you can’t drive yet, why not book your first lesson right now? Alternatively, why not book a course – local colleges have courses to choose from. If you’ve got dreams of a high-flying career once the kids are older, why not start studying towards it now from home?

If the kids get bored, they’ll drive you bonkers

Think of new activities for the kids to try, or a new hobby or club to join. Your local library or HIVE can provide information on what is available locally, or you could always try making up a rota of household chores, or making cards or a family newsletter to send off to your partner.

Plan something to look forward to

Booking a holiday, or planning some family days out for after the tour helps you to focus on the great time you’re going to have when your partner gets back. BUT be aware that leave and return dates may change.

Get some help if you’re on a downer

If that fed-up feeling just won’t go away, speak to a friend, your GP or Health Visitor for some advice. There are loads of support agencies, such as the SSAFA Forces Help or the Confidential Support Line that you can talk to; all are completely confidential.

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